Hi. so its been years since last one i wrote like, life update thing. Speaking of which, im not used to write anymore. Somehow dulu saya bisa memanage masalah hidup saya dengan menulis, i wrote all the ups and down i felt, all the pros and contras and by that i could considering which one is the wiser way to overcome the probs. Now, well, i just let life flew like how it is. Im feeling numb tho. Im feeling like i become more a bitter person, selalu skeptis dengan hidup. Rasanya kayak, untuk excited over something itu apa sih, ngapain sih, ga perlu, hidup ya nantinya akan pahit pada akhirnya, so untuk apa merayakan sesuatu yang, yaudah rasanya itu hanya small part of life phase, yang nantinya setelah hari itu, yaudah itu hanya tinggal memori, fana, dan life goes on. Belom ada seperempat abad saya sudah se bitter ini untuk jalanin hidup ya ha ha tragic.
oh and by the way my sister has married last year and already give a birth. What a life. But i dont see the same phase like my other friends who just had niece did. Might be because i dont like children from the start. Ok dont judge me. I know you will probably like, "hah ga suka anak kecil? kamu dulu juga pernah kecil woi". Mungkin karena aku juga anak terakhir, yang ngga pernah merasakan punya adek kecil, so i cant relate. I cant even touch my sisters daughter tho. Well small thouch kayak sentuh sentuh kepala pake jari pernah, tapi yaudah, hanya itu haha. She's too fragile i just cant.
& im graduating soon. like really soon, next week. I told my parents not to come tho haha bcs akan ribet dan fana juga, karena toh setelah ini akan masih ujian koas, dan tetep mereka masih biayain pendidikan saya untuk 1 - 2 tahun kedepannya. I want them to come when it really is over. Gitu aja, ribut woi. Kayak "hah yang bener aja masa wisuda ortu ga dateng woii" "yah kasihan dong ngga ada ortunya sendiri nanti". hm. Kalau saja waktu itu saya ngeh di web urus proses wisuda ada pilihan dateng ke wisuda atau tidak, i would choose not to. Kalau saja. But then i still press the yes button. Stupid.
& now i have new bestfriend since KKN over. i met him at KKN last year, and he always there for me, until now. Theres a time when i doubt him karena dulu ngerasa saya cutting off people around me karena dia, but heyy thats rude jahat pol, padahal yang memilih untuk cutting off dan downsizing the circle juga karena saya sendiri, simply karena saya had found comfort space aja ketika hanya dengan dia. dan sempet drama. pol. But then heeyy its me that doing the life which i got the right to choose. Thanks to okik my bloody old friend that remind me who i am before, so that i could overcome the "barks" around me. and afterall im fine. and happy. and well happy is too exaggerating word to choose, so, im fine and everything's going well.
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