haha cliche banget anak baru kemaren sore nulis begini ya. Tapi sepertinya akan lucu ketika entah 10, 20 tahun lagi saya bisa baca gimana pikiran saya di umur 22 about this thing.
So im pretty close to my mother, & she spills her grunts, her problem, her thoughts, semuanya lah. well maybe not all of them, tapi for me, untuk yang selama ini ibu saya ceritakan aja sudah "wow really? wow is that how life works? omg thats suck". yes. my mother is the one that keeps my feets on the ground. to face reality. I dont know if that is good or not, bcs thats how i know how life could be soooo much bitter. and how shes telling her thoughts makes me realize, im so much like my mother. Karakternya aja. Luar/fisiknya mah saya nurun bapak saya sekali. Tapi mulai gimana ibu saya mikir, cara dia expressing emosi, i think i got mine from her. I stay silent when im angry, annoyed, etc just like she did. dan semua kelakuan ibu saya, dengan bapak saya yang 360 derajat dengan ibu, makes their marriage, entahlah, i couldnt say it. It was good, sometimes, but when they bickering to each other, makes me wondering like "omg why and how come you two guys married", bahkan sampai "ok whatever. Gimana kalo you both considering to take the marriage to the court, by this i mean divorce, i dont mind at all, really". Karena ketika lu hidup and run the ship dengan orang yang visi misi nya ngga sama, yaudah, mau dibawa kemana juga kapalnya? Wont be a problem if you guys is open minded dan mau nerima pendapat orang, but heey remember we're all human afterall, that have egoooss. and im scared as fuck. Dengan ego dan emosi yang mirip dengan ibu, well, i dont know anymore. I acknowledge that mother is wise, but i dont know, maybe the way she expresses them? and my mother is just like me yo, ngomongnya ceplas ceplos thats why kadang nggak bisa diterima langsung, karena again, i also felt that, ketika ego naik banget saat ibu menuturkan pendapatnya. Bcs she is that strict. Tapi untuk saya, karena saya juga lumayan lama mengenal ibu saya since she's retired, jadi saya memang selalu "telan" dulu kata-kata ibu saya dan "menahan diri" untuk ngga give the talk back, baru saya pikirkan ketika nanti saya luang, which is biasanya akan nyadar kalau memang ya ibu saya yang benar. Huh. But its different when it comes to pasutri alias pasangan suami istri. Mungkin karena saya ini hubungannya adalah "anak dan ibu", makanya saya lebih bisa nerima karena ya gimana pun she is mother, lebih banyak makan asam garam, and yes way older. So its different when it comes to my father. Apalagi dia lebih tua. I can actually understand why the bickering happens, lagi lagi, ya karena ego. apa lagi? & to make him understand ini loh yang susah.
Wait. kenapa jd ngomonginnya marriage lifenya bo-nyok saya ya? Tapi intinya. im afraid if later when it comes to my age, sama dengan umur marriage orang tua saya, I will make my partners unhappy yet because of my character. I'd rather single ajadah daripada lagi - lagi saya harus menyakiti dengan kestupidan sifat saya. Im uncomfortable with being villain, i want to quit but i just dont know how.
I just wanted my 20 or 30 year later of me, later, if you just found yourself in way how my mother right now, just remember the 22 year old thought, who being the daughter that face his bickering parents, and calm your ego down. Ok darling? ok. goodbye. gue mau facial karena mingdep wisuda dan muka saya lagi berantakan. Cheers.
I just wanted my 20 or 30 year later of me, later, if you just found yourself in way how my mother right now, just remember the 22 year old thought, who being the daughter that face his bickering parents, and calm your ego down. Ok darling? ok. goodbye. gue mau facial karena mingdep wisuda dan muka saya lagi berantakan. Cheers.
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