Waking up to a massive headache is suck

when a heart gets harden

I will though, i will. I'll be doing that someday when i get some enlightenment comes from god. I do understand that this is a must for womankind but i believe that it will comes when it is the right time.Then someone would say that it is just in front of you but youre the one that playing blind, doing no effort to get that. God doing his best providing guidance for you to follow but you just sit still, ignoring things around.
I dont. Im doing my best. I know some stories, but its just, you know, theres no, until this time, such things that opens my heart. Or maybe its just me that isnt allow mine to open? But how could you manage open-closing heart things?
I know i am super confident saying "I will". "Will" is used when talking about future. I mean. Does god giving me tommorow? No one knows, except God. What if suddenly i just die tommorow? What about my parents then? No child would drag their parents to hell intentionally. Yea sure when it come talking about this, I have a big concern. I always have intention doing that, but no act following. I just do the same as before. when someone asking me why i dont, i feel like i am being deprived to do what i want to do. I also feel unfair because somebody out there also doing the same as i am but theyre just fine. And also i have this reason, which actually no one know, bcs i dont want to be unknown. Entahlah.
But now im trying to. I dont know if this will be lasting or not. But still, i havent feeling comfortable yet. Im not ready questioned by people too. Mocked by them. Ugh i really hate thinking about this. I hate figuring how will people think about this or that. I hate it bcs it will just caused me sleeplessness. Like right now. What am i doing, really, at this hour, talking rubbish. Such a rubbish post. And youre just wasting your precious time of ur life reading this rant. I sincerely apologise.

SASAJI.

Greetings, everyone

It’s almost a month since my last post. And by this I could conclude that my write on blog habit is depend on how happy, how sad, how angry, how exasperated i am over a thing. The thing is :

A week ago friends of mine visited Jogja to attend study primata on my uni. I dont know if this a happy or sad thing. I always like being visited, but i dont like the effect after that. Greeting is always followed by parting. No doubt, i had a homesick on the day they leaving but no, not that awful as the first one i went through (I also wrote about this too, using words “my day went grey”. Yuck). I am happy that i had a chance to met them, i chit and chat soo much like there will be no other day. Oh and dont forget how i ate my first sate kelinci with them. Not that awful. But i dont recommend either.

More important than sate kelinci. This days timeline is stormed by “Aksi Penolakan Sirkus Lumba-Lumba” that is happen on Malang. College student alliance that care about those were doing an action to stop a dolphin circus that being held on Malang, which i watched the same show when i was in elementary. And i took a photo too, me, being kissed by dolphin. Dasar jomblo. Which now made me think. Are they (the dolphins) are having a pleasure being on circus? Doing those attraction, bringing a ball on their snoot, swimming on water contains caporits, doing a math that is given by the instructor, ringing a bell, jumping over hullahoop, etc. How is their feelings doing attraction in such a crowded stadium, applause from here and there, loud music that turned on to make the show more interesting, being carried away from a place to another to perform a show, how is it?

I once went visiting dolphin conservation on Weleri and the workers explained how dolphin are being treated there. Well they dont mistreat the dolphin though. They cure the dolphin that are wounded by fisherman’s fishing nets, and also they did give the compensation for the fisherman that is accidentally drag over the dolphin. The transportation that bring dolphin into place to another is actually comfortable for dolphin. They are minimizing the distress that might be occur to the dolphin well. Pokoknya pekerjanya bisa memastikan gitu kalau lumba-lumba di Weleri itu well treated dan ga lepas dari 5 freedom lah intinya.

But here is the thing. Wild animals are belong to nature. They dont belong in circus. They dont live just to intertain human. They also have a right to live freely on the earth. Expressing their normal behaviour freely. I recommend you to watch documentary film titled “The Cove” on youtube. How the dolphin have the ability to suicide, which on the film told that once a dolphin took his last breath in front of its instructor. The dolphin took a deep breath, and then he didnt exhale.

And thats why I support Aksi Stop Sirkus Lumba-Lumba in Rampal. I appreciate the college students who take an action on Malang. From what i know some of them are in the same major with me. veterinary medicine student and I am impressed on how they pay attention and concerned to issues on their surroundings. So lets make a move bystanders. You better not sit still, moreover look away.

Picture taken from Line post

#STOPSIRKUSLUMBALUMBA

in the end

#SASAJI

Its 3 am and can't sleep.

A friend of mine who will be going to Holland this month was asking me "how was it, Na, when youre about to go to jogja?" And i answered "well i was just fine and happy." Totally a big lie ever. Well. Its true that i was happy back then, when I got the news that im accepted in ugm and moved out from malang. And my friends gave me surprise, big suprise for me bcs i'd never expect a surprise. I thought with my leaving theyre just going to say such words as "im gonna miss you Na" or "see you on top Na" or anything related. So it hits me. I'm leaving the city that ive been lived here for almost my entire life that full of caring&loving people, to the place that is hundreds kilometers away, with no one for me to lean on. "What if this what if that what if what if" is whole of question that filled my head. So thats why I cried a river HAHA.

And theen here I am. Im doing fine, so far. I have a good life enough in jogja, having friends to lean on, and met people that is caring. Luckily i moved to the city which its people are mostly kindhearted so I feel like I am being honoured living in here. And that makes Jogja feels like home.

So i think its normal and understandable for having a fear or feeling soo nervous when youre about to wander apalagi going abroad  ya. But dont let that nervous feeling depress you so much and be a barrier for you to do something. YOLO. You only live once. Learned our lessons through the tears. Do anything (that is positive) for ur own life that you will remember bcs you surely will leave this world behind. Well i quoted from avicii's The Night sih karena itu lagi "lagu aku banget". Bye

Merantau itu ngga semuanya tentang rasa feeling free doing anything without parents control. Justru karena jauh dari orang tua itu, lebih merasa punya tanggung jawab lebih. Merantau is whether youre going to ruin&harm or make a success of yourself. 

Merantaulah
Maka kamu akan merasakan indahnya arti pulang

Much love

Mahasiswa yang dalam 1 semester pulang 4 kali.