How not to die before 20. [SURVIVAL LIFE KITS]

Good things that i am turning 20. Alhamdulillah puji syukur Tuhan. so here’s my survival tips

Dont smoke.

Dont drink. You know. That drink.

Eat vegetables. I recommend you steamed broccoli. Good for your heart.

apasih. Gamau congkak takut kualat diambil nyawanya. Whoa. Bad joke.

So in this 20 years old some thing that i discovered something that i want to share with you what am i became in this year

I am still being a second year vetmed student and i am not like her who’s ‘’kalian semua suci aku penuh dosa” and also “tapi sejak remaja ku tak meminta biaya untuk nananana (ga hafal)” , nope, im still relying everything to parents. am i proud? No.

Anyway. 20 years is a year when you are realized your parents is much older than you ever thought. I mean. Look at their white-grey ash hair. Meskipun ada merah-merahnya dikit on my father’s hair sih bcs he’s colouring his hair. And how their wrinkles on the side of their eyes. Gue merasa bahwa gue menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu untuk banyak menuntut ini itu ke mereka sampai pada akhirnya gue lupa untuk memikirkan gimana di agama gue harus berbakti sama mereka. Dan gimana menyesalnya gue kenapa gue malah memilih terpaut jarak ratusan kilo daripada gue nemenin mereka di hari tuanya. Well maybe my parents is not that old (they’re fifty something). But still though. Rasanya sekarang lebih pingin pulang untuk sekedar quality time, brain storming, atau sekedar ngomongin issues di depan tv atau sekedar ongkang-ongkang dibelakang rumah sambil ngeliatin ibu saya mengawinkan tanaman markisanya, atau doing something together just like we used to daripada keluar sama temen ngeluyur kemana mana (etapi masih sih cuman sekarang udah ngurang-ngurangin gitu).

Not only your parents. your sibling too. kayak. ketika lo baru sadar bahwa umur kakak mu sudah di umur-umurnya orang nikah. omg aging is scary. That is why people inventing anti-aging. 

And i think in this 20 years old of mine, i just discovered how people really is. How a man is. I think merantau is telling me so much more than before. Beneran dah. Kalo masih di Malang kayaknya ku tidak akan mendapat this kind of problem issues.

The thing is how you know more abt ppl but then its getting more daunting to socialize. And i tend to choose having a sceptical mind. I hate to say this its like youre bodo amat to everything because in the insubconscious mind (is that a word lol i mean alam bawah sadar) theres nothing ended up happily ever after. Except lo masuk surga. I dont know what really affects me. i think its bcs of what I really expect when i am turning 20 and what am I ended up to.

So what am i expecting?  

Having a really good friend that knows you well dari bibit bebet bobot. I had sih. Had.

I did have a really good friend that i am counting to for the past 2 years but then everything is collapsed only in a night because of a thing that i kno just earlier and that makes me felt really sick of him and then i kinda traumatized and things got so much hard to do apalagi dengan orang yang kayak saya yang udah banyak dibilang orang kalau hatinya udah mati terus diginiin jd makin skeptis aja lah ya. But then the show must go on, i already (trying to) forget things that happen and good things to know that i am kinda have a short-term-memory jadi yha everythings fine now. ‘Everything’ I mean me. not us.

And jfyi i did have a relationship with a nice person but i ended up hurting him & i dont even know now. I am the one whos hurting but i think i am hurted even more pdhl he’s done nothing to me. i am hurted because i am hurting someone. Is that make any sense? Although sekali lagi everything’s fine now even if we dont talk anymore lol. Good to know too i am easy to moving on. I dont kno that i am on denial or not but i am feeling nothing that i shud worry about. Except my drh title sih. Sama responsi, uts & uas. Sama ibadah gue. & am i good enough to parents. wah banyak jg.

Dahlah pokoknya begitu.

Sekian life updatenya.

Wassalamualaikum.